How to Manage Social Anxiety

What if I told you that everyone experiences social anxiety to a certain extent? When I tell this to my clients, I can see the active release of tension in their shoulders. Social anxiety is a normal human experience but unfortunately it has a special way of making people feel alone and isolated, which further enforces the anxiety feelings. When we begin to realize that this is not a unique experience that we feel, but in fact everyone has had a socially anxious experience, it starts to lessen the hold that anxiety has on our lives.

I host a social anxiety group here at Insight and I have had client’s actively laugh in my face when I suggest the prospect of them joining the group. “A group full of socially anxious people” they say “That sounds horrible”.

I get it, I really do. As a therapist, I also know that sometimes the most important thing to do when we feel anxious, depressed, overwhelmed is to do the exact opposite of what our mental state suggests. When we understand that others feel the same as we do, it allows people to feel part of a collective whole rather than isolated and alone.

If you are the type of client that would laugh at the prospect of sitting in a room with other socially anxious clients then let me share some of the key tools that I teach in this social anxiety course.

CALM DOWN THE CNS…

How does your body feel when you are anxious?... activated, racing heart rate, shallow breathing are some of the common responses. When anxiety strikes, this activates the body and prepares the body for fight or flight, which would be good if you were under a bear attack… not trying to compose yourself for a holiday party with co-workers. The most foundational tool for anxiety control is to calm down the central nervous system (CNS) through grounding, deep breathing as well as mindfulness. This tool is extremely powerful and helps your prefrontal cortex to “come back online” and allow the brain to make rational decisions.

YOU CAN’T TRUST EVERYTHING YOUR BRAIN SAYS.

Our thoughts are not typically very positive. If you take a moment to listen to your inner self-talk it is generally negative in nature, especially with anxiety. Anxiety causes us to become our own worst enemies. We need to mend this relationship by targeting negative self-talk patterns. I teach clients a very formulated pattern of correcting these thoughts to help create a new and more positive neural pathway.

1.      The first step is to notice when the negative self-talk statement is happening.  Ex: “I am going to go to this party and people are going to know how anxious I am and think I am weird.”

2.      Say out loud: STOP – this helps to train your brain that this is not an acceptable way for you to think.

3.      Re-direct the negative self-talk statement to a statement that is true and not negative in nature. You cannot trick your brain. Ex: “I am anxious to go to this party but that does not mean I will have a bad time. I know three other people going and I will plan to make conversation with them if I am feeling overwhelmed around new people.”

4.      Distract yourself with mindful distractions that stimulate the senses. Ex: making a cup of tea and noticing the warmth, smell and taste of the tea. This is the one time I will recommend a distraction because with anxiety, a distraction is necessary to help us shift our focus off of the anxious thought.

BEFRIEND THE ANXIETY.

When we feel anxiety we often get frustrated with ourselves and wish the anxiety away. Does that typically work for you? I am guessing it does not work very well. We need to welcome in this anxious part of ourselves and nurture it. This helps to soothe the part rather than push it away and in turn lessens our anxiety in the moment.

Try these tools and see how they can impact your social anxiety. If you are interested in learning more about how to combat your anxiety you can reach out and schedule an appointment with me or even take the next step to join my group  called Let’s Talk Social Anxiety!

Lauren Whalen, LPCC